Interview with Nita Singh Kaushal, Stanford Business Expert and Founder of Miss CEO

Dr. Thais Aliabadi and Mary Alice Haney spoke with Nita Singh Kaushal about leadership, negotiation, and practical ways women and girls can learn to advocate for themselves without losing authenticity. Nita teaches leadership and negotiation at Stanford, founded Miss CEO to train and mentor over 200,000 students worldwide, and runs NSK Leadership to help organizations build leaders. What follows is a practical, question-and-answer guide that collects her core frameworks, real-world examples, scripts you can use, and a reading of why negotiation is a muscle worth exercising early and often.

Table of Contents

• About Nita and why this conversation matters
• The early window: why middle school and high school matter
• Negotiation is a learned skill, not a character trait
• The collaborative outcomes approach: a five-step framework for professional negotiations
• Preparation: what to research and how to quantify your value
• Scripts, silence, and the emotional part of negotiating
• When the answer is no: using “no” as data
• Mentors versus sponsors: both matter, but they play different roles
• Positioning accomplishments so they land
• Boardroom dynamics and the power of response
• Practical playbook: 10 concrete actions to start today
• How Miss CEO changes the pipeline
• Advice for parents
• For mid-career women: it’s never too late to learn
• Stories that teach
• Where to learn more and how to practice
• FAQ
• Final encouragement

About Nita and why this conversation matters

Can you tell us who you are and how you came to teach negotiation and leadership?

We teach leadership and negotiation because we believe those skills change careers, institutions, and lives. Our background is rooted in Silicon Valley and Stanford: we studied engineering and worked in tech, then turned our early experience with isolation and self-doubt into a mission to equip others. We saw brilliant women leave fields like engineering because environments did not support them. That prompted us to create Miss CEO, offer mentorship and career exploration for middle school through college, and to design a leadership toolkit that includes effective communication, goal-setting, and the ability to ask for what you need.

The early window: why middle school and high school matter

Why should parents and educators start leadership training so early?

We start this conversation early because confidence takes a hit when it matters most. Research shows confidence drops by roughly 30 percent between ages eight and fourteen for girls. By high school, only about 27 percent of girls report high self-confidence versus 46 percent of boys. Exposure to leadership roles and mentors in adolescence makes a measurable difference: girls who get that early exposure are 2.5 times more likely to seek leadership opportunities later on.

Those numbers are not inevitable. We can change the trajectory by putting structured opportunities into school and after-school programs, and by helping girls practice visibility, teamwork, experimentation, and resilience. It does not have to look like a formal “leadership” course at first. It can be robotics clubs, debate, STEM teams, or community service—spaces where girls practice speaking up, receive feedback, and learn that failure is part of growth.

Negotiation is a learned skill, not a character trait

What are the most common beliefs that hold women back from negotiating?

We see several themes that get in the way. One is the belief that life is a meritocracy where hard work alone will get you everything you deserve. That framed upbringing makes it easy to assume that the system will notice and reward effort. In many environments, it does not. Another is fear of being perceived as unlikable. Women who ask for more are often judged harsher than men, particularly without strategic framing.

Finally, there is a performance and perfection trap. Women often wait until they meet a checklist of qualifications before applying for opportunities. That delay can mean lost career momentum. Negotiation is a skill we can practice. It will always feel a little nerve-inducing—nervousness does not mean you are not prepared—but preparation makes the outcome far more likely to be positive.

The collaborative outcomes approach: a five-step framework for professional negotiations

How do you recommend structuring a salary or promotion conversation?

We use a collaborative outcomes approach that helps protect relationships and centers business value. It has five steps:

1. Set up the conversation positively. Send a short, respectful request for time focused on your career development. Signal that the meeting is constructive, not confrontational.
2. Provide context and background. Briefly summarize the contributions you have made, ideally with measurable impact—customers acquired, revenue influenced, processes improved.
3. Present objective data. Come prepared with market research: salary ranges, comparable roles, and evidence that shows your level of responsibility and impact.
4. Make your ask in a win-win way. Connect your personal ask (raise, title, resources) to how it benefits the team or business. For example, propose a title change because it will enable you to secure strategic partnerships that benefit the organization.
5. Invite collaboration. End by asking, “What do you think?” or “How would you approach this?” That shows you are seeking a shared solution rather than issuing an ultimatum.

In practice, that might sound like: “Hi Manager, would you have time this week to talk about my career development? I’ve really enjoyed leading Project X, which increased customer retention by 15 percent. Based on comparable roles in the market, I wanted to discuss aligning my title and compensation so I can lead more strategic partnerships for the team. What are your thoughts?”

Do you negotiate over email or live conversation?

We recommend a live conversation—phone, video, or in person—especially for your initial ask. Live dialogue lets you read reactions, answer questions, and troubleshoot in real time. Sending a demand by email can make you appear inflexible and remove opportunities to craft a collaborative solution. After terms are verbally agreed, follow up in writing to confirm.

Preparation: what to research and how to quantify your value

What concrete research should you do before asking for a raise?

We always encourage collecting data. At minimum:

• Market salary ranges for comparable roles in your industry and region.
• Benchmarks for title equivalents and responsibilities.
• Concrete examples of your recent contributions and measurable outcomes.
• Feedback from coworkers, customers, or managers that confirms your impact.

Speaking with trusted peers or mentors about ranges is invaluable. Use websites for compensation research, but validate numbers with people who know your industry. Come to the conversation with a reasonable range and a clear rationale.

Scripts, silence, and the emotional part of negotiating

How do you manage nerves and high emotion during negotiation?

Nervousness is normal and persistent, even for those of us who teach negotiation. The trick is to prepare scripts and bullet points so you do not say things you later regret. When a negotiation feels emotional, use pauses strategically. Silence is a tool. After you make your ask, stop talking and let the other person process. People often fill pauses with concessions or additional information that weakens your position.

We also teach a behavior: if the response triggers a strong emotion, buy time. Say, “Thank you. I need a moment to think this through. Can we reconvene next week?” That allows you to respond thoughtfully rather than reactively.

Can you give an example of a short, tactical script to present an ask?

Yes. Use three parts: appreciation, impact, and ask.

We appreciate your leadership on the X initiative.
Over the last six months, I led Y and drove a 20 percent increase in retention.
Based on comparable roles and this impact, I'm asking to discuss aligning my title and compensation with market benchmarks. What are your thoughts?
  

That structure frames your request as professional and strategic rather than personal. It directs the conversation toward outcomes rather than emotion.

When the answer is no: using “no” as data

What should you do if the manager says no or not now?

We encourage treating every no as information. A “no” can take many forms: a straight rejection, a “not right now,” an invitation to revisit later, or a noncommittal “I’ll look into it.” After a no, ask questions to gather data: “Can you help me understand why? Is there something about my performance you are not seeing? If not my current request, what are alternative ways we can align on this?”

If the reason is budgetary or structural, work together on interim solutions: a future review date, a stretch assignment with success metrics, or a non-monetary benefit like more autonomy or professional development resources. If the response is dismissive or condescending, that is also important data about the organization and your future there.

Mentors versus sponsors: both matter, but they play different roles

What’s the difference between a mentor and a sponsor?

We always clarify this for leaders. A mentor is a trusted advisor who provides coaching, feedback, and perspective. Mentors can be one or two levels above you, or peers who help you process career strategy and decisions. A sponsor is someone with the power to open doors for you. Sponsors actively advocate for you in rooms you cannot access. They recommend you for assignments, promotions, and roles where visibility leads to accelerated career movement.

Mentors help you become better. Sponsors help you get opportunities. Both are critical, and it is important to cultivate both relationships thoughtfully.

How do you ask someone to be a sponsor or build that relationship?

We advise a practical, low-friction first step: ask for 15 minutes of advice and be specific about what you want to learn. For example:

Hi [Name], I heard your talk on [topic] and used your collaborative approach in a recent conversation. It helped, and now I have a specific question about the next step. Would you have 15 minutes to talk?
  

Keep the outreach short and meaningful. Demonstrate that you have already taken action on their advice. If chemistry develops and the person sees your impact, a sponsorship relationship can evolve naturally as they begin to advocate on your behalf.

Positioning accomplishments so they land

How do you talk about wins without being perceived as bragging?

We position accomplishments as team or organizational wins. Makers of great careers do not hide their impact, but they frame it so others can see the return on investing in them. Instead of “I am the best and deserve X,” try: “Our team shipped Project Z, and that resulted in a 200 percent increase in engagement. I’d like to discuss how I can expand this work with a title change so I can secure partnerships that will scale these results.”

That approach invites stakeholders to see the business case rather than judge intent. It also reduces the risk of appearing self-centered because the focus is on outcomes and shared success.

Boardroom dynamics and the power of response

How do you handle gaslighting or dismissive comments in professional settings?

We teach that being prepared includes mental scripts and choices about when to speak and when to pause. If a comment lands as sexist or dismissive, you do not always need to respond in the moment. Take a breath and decide: is a public correction necessary, or is it better to follow up privately with evidence and a firm boundary? Both are valid.

There is power in strategic silence. Sometimes, a later, considered response is more effective. We also remind leaders to read the room: who else will take a stand, and who will need coaching? Responses are not only about the immediate moment but also about long-term reputation and leverage.

Practical playbook: 10 concrete actions to start today

What are the first ten steps someone should take to get started?

1. Document your wins. Keep a running list of measurable outcomes and responsibilities.
2. Research your market value. Get salary ranges and title benchmarks for comparable roles.
3. Practice your script. Use the appreciation-impact-ask structure in a mock conversation.
4. Schedule a live meeting rather than sending an email for the initial ask.
5. Bring two reasonable compensation or title options, so you have room to negotiate.
6. Identify one mentor and one potential sponsor and reach out for 15 minutes of specific advice.
7. Ask for feedback on the spot if you hear a no to learn what would change the answer.
8. Use silence as a tactic after making your ask; do not fill the pause.
9. Follow up in writing after verbal agreements to confirm the terms.
10. Practice negotiating on low-stakes issues to build the muscle—work assignments, resources, or small timelines.

How Miss CEO changes the pipeline

What does Miss CEO teach and why is it different?

We designed Miss CEO to reach girls as early as middle school with an intentional leadership curriculum. The program blends mentorship, career exploration, and negotiation practice inside real-world projects so participants can learn by doing. The goal is to normalize leadership language and provide safe spaces to practice visibility and failure. That early muscle-building makes girls much more likely to seek leadership roles later in life.

Advice for parents

How can parents support girls without pushing too hard?

We recommend three specific actions for parents:

• Provide experiences that require leadership and public speaking, even small ones like leading a group project or presenting at a community event.
• Model advocacy yourself—children learn by watching how their parents ask for what they need.
• Create a small group of supporters so your child has safe people to practice with and receive feedback.

For mid-career women: it’s never too late to learn

What about women who are already mid-career and feel behind?

We remind mid-career professionals that learning negotiation is not a young person’s skill set only. It is never too late to reframe your market value, cultivate sponsors, and practice the collaborative outcomes approach. Start by documenting your achievements, set a clear target for what you want next, and line up the data that supports your ask. Use interim solutions if immediate change is infeasible—set a date for review, negotiate for stretch opportunities, or ask for visible projects that will make you promotable.

Stories that teach

Can you share an example where advocacy made a difference?

We rely on stories to illustrate the power of advocacy. One boardroom example stands out: someone stood up to expose fraud. Initially, they successfully rallied others to launch an investigation. Later, in a follow-up meeting, the person was insulted publicly by a representative of the management company with a sexist comment. The immediate moment was jarring. The advocate sat down and collected themselves. Later, they confronted the person and insisted on accountability. The end result was that the bad actors were removed. This story shows three lessons: standing up for others can be a catalyst. You do not always have to respond immediately to personal attacks, and a later, strategic follow-up can be more powerful than an instinctive reaction.

Where to learn more and how to practice

What resources do you recommend?

We suggest these starting points:

• Take a short negotiation course or a Stanford continuing studies course focused on negotiation methods.
• Subscribe to practical newsletters that emphasize action steps and scripts you can use in real conversations.
• Join communities or clubs where you can practice leadership and public speaking in a low-risk environment.

FAQs

How do I know my market salary range?

Start with salary databases and compensation websites for your industry and geography, then validate with trusted peers, recruiters, or mentors. Ask people you trust, “What would someone with my responsibilities typically earn?” Use a range rather than a single number and tie your target to responsibilities and impact.

What if I’m afraid of being labeled unlikable?

Use strategic framing. Lead with appreciation for what you have learned and then connect your ask to team or company outcomes. If someone labels you harshly, treat their reaction as data about them, not you. Surround yourself with allies and sponsors who can vouch for your character and impact.

Should I tell colleagues what I earned if I negotiate successfully?

That depends on company policy and culture. Transparency can help normalize fair pay, but consider potential repercussions. If your environment supports pay transparency, sharing can benefit others. If not, weigh alignment with your values and team dynamics before deciding.

How often should I negotiate or revisit compensation?

Negotiation is an ongoing muscle, not an annual event. Revisit compensation after major wins or when responsibilities shift meaningfully. Many people aim for a conversation at least once a year or after a successful project that increased measurable impact.

How do I find a sponsor if there aren’t many women leaders around me?

Look for influential people in your organization who value results and have access to decision-making forums. Sponsors do not have to be women or senior executives with identical backgrounds. They are people who see your potential and are willing to advocate. Build the relationship by delivering results, demonstrating curiosity, and asking for a short meeting to seek advice—then cultivate it.

Final encouragement

We want you to know that negotiation and leadership are learnable. Nervousness is normal. The important step is to start practicing: document your wins, gather the data, and take the conversation live. Use the collaborative outcomes framework to preserve relationships and make a compelling business case. Find at least one mentor and one potential sponsor. Teach the next generation by modeling advocacy for your children, colleagues, and students. The cost of staying silent is often far higher than the discomfort of speaking up.

We believe that when more women are equipped to ask and to lead with confidence, organizations win and communities benefit. You do not have to become someone else to negotiate. Be prepared, be strategic, and be yourself.

This article was created from the video How Top Women Leaders Negotiate—According to Stanford Business Expert Nita Singh Kaushal | SHE MD for Dr. Thais Aliabadi’s website.